看完《知否?知否?应是绿肥红瘦》的感想


近来追剧。这《知否知否》,个人认为远远超越了《延禧攻略》。《延禧攻略》就是一部报仇、报仇、还是报仇的剧。整部剧,也就看女主角一个人就够了。也不知道谁是男主。好看,就在于它像一部英雄电影那样,身边人有难,女主角出来解围。

而《知否知否》则比较现实,比较人性化。每个人物都有鲜明的性格。有的人,只为了面子而活(明兰她爹);有的人像演戏般活着(秦大娘);有的人自己喜欢勾引男人,就觉得别人也在勾引她的男人(墨兰);还有人,就没有理由的去憎恨别人(康姨母);有些人,有求于人的时候,可以厚颜无耻地赖在别人家(四房五房)。

《知否知否》主要就是讲述家庭妻妾子女的关系。如今的年代是看不到所谓的妾室了,但取而代之的就是“小三”。正妻所生的孩子,叫“嫡出”。继承产业是名正言顺。而妾室所生,则为“庶出”。是没什么地位的。而男人如果“宠妾灭妻”,就会弄得家里鸡犬不宁。

(混蛋。我刚才所写的,全不见了!简单再写一遍。)

原著的女主角是穿越的。穿越的题材已经被用烂了。幸好电视剧的女主角不是穿越的。女主角就是一个外柔内刚,心同槁木,算是城府极深的女子。毕竟自小亲娘就被小娘陷害而死,父亲嫡母不疼爱。但也不是最惨。她还是在富有的家庭中成长,也有祖母疼爱,后来丈夫的百般疼爱;忠心的侍女;嫡母的子女待她也不错。但优秀的人,总是会遭人嫉恨。小娘的女儿妒忌;丈夫的嫡母充满杀意;姨母就是看她不顺眼,想铲除她;无缘无故就被列为忤逆长辈之人。她说的好,“管天管地,就是管不住别人的嘴。”没有可能去把每个毁谤她的人都灭了。

如果说《延禧攻略》的总结是“报仇、报仇、还是报仇”,那《知否知否》的总结就是“设局、设局、还是设局”。

电视剧好看的地方就是,女主角忍耐了几十年,等到了机会,就为自己的母亲讨回公道。人可以忍受屈辱,但不可以没有个公道。

 

精彩剧情截图

minglan-33
33集。明兰见林小娘
minglan-44
44集。省察仆婢。
minglan-46
46集。巡查庄务。
minglan-55
55集。摔筷子。
minglan-67
67集。审问康家的仆婢。

 

当她坐下的时候,那个气势,可真是过瘾。

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悼念前老板


之前的老板,突然就去世了。非常愕然。

真的非常感谢他。当年若不是他愿意聘请我,给我机会,我也不能从古晋回到诗巫工作。在事业上,他帮了我好几回:回诗巫找工作、从学院到大学学院等。

愿他的家人节哀。

责任感与压力


最近因为新的工作项目,倍感压力,疲惫不堪。
经过反思之后,主要因素,就是强烈的责任感,因而感到压力。比如作业延迟,我会觉得是因为我个人的办事能力,而影响到项目的进度。
因为压力,导致没有食欲。严重的话,甚至反胃。

而这个强烈的责任感,我也不知从何时开始。毕竟人渐渐成长,所负担的责任也变得越来越多。如照顾年迈的父母,赚钱养家,养育儿女等。

但责任感这个东西,其实是非常主观的。很多吊儿郎当的人,做事马虎,推卸责任,过得非常快活。(也许正是因为我不喜欢推卸责任的人,结果弄到自己倍感压力。)

既然责任感是一种主观的东西,那只要我能够整理思绪,换个角度看待事情,那我就应该能够达到如释负重的效果:

我既然感到压力,正是因为工作范围在我的能力之外。
并非我无能,而是环境的条件无法让我有效地发挥我的办事能力。
因此,一切问题绝非我个人的责任。
既然不是属于我个人的责任,那我何必忧愁挂心?
属于我能力的工作范围,必定不会让我感到不必要的压力。

容污纳垢


我一直认为自己不是个完美主义者。因为认为自己做事很随意,能接受各种变化。是个随遇而安的人。

其实不然。

我才发现,原来我在各种规划方面,是属于完美主义者。比如金钱规划,人生规划等。在金钱规划上,我觉得不应该浪费钱买多余的东西。若无意中花了不必要的钱,就非常不愉快。在人生规划上,我觉得不应该浪费时间做不必要的事,或没什么意义的事。当无奈地非做不可时,就非常不愉快。

因此,我称以上的完美主义为“狭义完美主义”。我多数的不快乐,就是因为我的这种“狭义完美主义”造成的。

所以,我得出了以下的结论:

如果我无法容污纳垢,我就是完美主义。因此,我无法快乐。
我必须承认人性的软弱,包括我自己和身边的人。
我必须能够接受人生中的各种瑕疵。
并不是所有的事情都能如愿以偿。
并不是所有的计划都能顺利完成。
必须能够容纳这些错误、浪费、多余的事情。
但同时这又是矛盾的。因为人应当尽心尽力行事,尤其是成圣之路。
因此,不应该利用人性的软弱来当着堕落的借口。
而是以宽容的心,接纳瑕疵的人生,来完成成圣之路。

圣诞节


现在的圣诞节,处处可见圣诞节的“气氛”。但这所谓的气氛是世俗化的圣诞节。有很多人庆祝的“圣诞节”,是没有耶稣的圣诞节。非常矛盾。

在西方世俗化的国家,会争辩说,圣诞节的源头可以追逐到比耶稣更早年代,是基督徒借用他人的节日来庆祝耶稣的诞生。所以一些世俗化的国家认为,庆祝圣诞节是不需要耶稣的。就是纯粹欢欣地庆祝节日罢了。

关于耶稣是否 12 月 25 日诞生,可阅读 Jimmy Akin 的此篇文章

若说庆祝的是 Winter Solstice,就是所谓的冬至。是 22 日左右,好吗?

若说偏要在 25 日庆祝冬至,就别叫圣诞节,而叫“冬至节”好吗?

圣诞节,就是圣子诞生在世上的节日,才叫圣诞节。

Christmas,就是 Christ + Mass(基督,弥撒)。

正如黑落德(Herod)要杀害婴孩耶稣,同样,如今的世俗化圣诞节也要将耶稣除去。

Mary, Christ, mass.

Healing


Preface

When I was still studying primary school, Bishop Dominic Su (now Emeritus) often celebrated mass with healing session. During healing session, brothers and sisters in Christ who are suffered with sickness will walk to the stage, then the bishop and the other healing ministers will come to pray for them, and laid hands on them. Then, some brothers and sisters in Christ will fall down, looks like sleep or fainted, but the actual term is called “resting in the Spirit“. And some of them were crying. Based on what I know, crying is because of emotional wounds.

I also went up for the healing, because my mum said I have asthma, and I could pray to be healed. However, I didn’t experience anything special during the healing session.

 

Preface continue

Then when I was in secondary school, there was one time, I joint Life in the Spirit Seminar (LSS). Again, there was another healing session, conducted by other healing ministers. I remembered that, during the healing session, the lead healing minister prayed and said, let God heal our emotional wounds that happened in our past. “Almighty Jesus is able to go to our past and heal us” (something like this).

Then I suddenly remembered an incident that happened when I was a small kid, which I had forgotten. And this made me cried. That was my first time experiencing healing power of God. But I know that, remembering the incident and crying does not heal the wound immediately. There are more spiritual exercises have to be done after this. Remembering the incident is just an initial phase to face my wounded memory.

 

Healing power

I regret that I didn’t record down everything Emeritus Bishop Dominic Su had taught during homily (as I was a kid, and Bishop was using English and Foochow, I couldn’t understand). I can roughly remember several points about healing.

Bishop taught about spiritual therapy and Eucharistic therapy. Eucharistic therapy is the healing that we can pray when we receive the Holy Communion, and also during the Eucharistic adoration.

Bishop also taught about several spiritual gifts from God that we can use to fight against satanic power. I can’t remember all, but only the Blood of Christ as one of the gifts.

Meditation

As there are three types of prayers: vocal prayer, meditation, and contemplative prayer (CCC 2721), meditation involves imagination.

I can only remember two types of healing meditation that was used by the bishop. During the healing session, based on Psalm 52:12, “A clean heart create for me, God” (NAB version), Bishop guided us to imagine: Jesus takes out our old heart and throws away, and then gives us a new heart.

Another type of healing mediation is to imagine the Blood of Christ covers us, and cleanses our sickness away.

 

Emotional wounds

I believe that many people are wounded in many ways. As I mentioned in Preface, I didn’t cry during the healing session when I was a kid. But in fact, I was emotionally wounded when I was very young. You may think that you are healthy in every aspect, but this may not be true because you may be wounded but not remember.

There are emotional wounds that happened when a person was still in the womb. This is because, the infant in the womb can feel the surroundings and also can feel how the mother feels. That is why, if the pregnant mother has emotionally wounded, this will affect the infant’s emotion as well. (And we can read from the Scripture, what happened to John the Baptist when the mother meets Mary, the mother of our Lord.)

We are usually wounded by someone close to us: our parents, our brothers and sisters, or our spouse. After we are wounded, we will live in fear, or anger, or hatred, or any other negative emotions. We may not directly hate the person who hurt us, but there is hatred or anger deep down in our hearts.

We are easily hurt by people who are close to us, because we open our hearts to them. That is why, when we are scolded by the parents without wrongdoing, or tricked by brothers and sisters, or cheated by our spouse, these actions hurt us deep down in our hearts.

Because of the emotional wounds, our personality and perspective are distorted. Sometimes this causes us to hate ourselves. We can’t forgive ourselves, and just want to continue live in misery. Moreover, this may also cause sinful habits like gambling, drunkenness, shopaholic, pornography, etc.

 

Human’s love

This was taught by Bishop Dominic Su,

Human’s love is imperfect. We should not seek for the perfection in human’s love. We can only seek for the perfection in God’s love.

That is why, a lot of spouses, they are sweet in the beginning. Even the weaknesses of your spouse are sweet in your sight. But human’s love is imperfect. After some time, you will feel that the love from your spouse is imperfect. Then, you will dislike everything about your spouse, even the goodness.

 

Healing and forgiveness

Because humans are imperfect, we will hurt each other unintentionally. Your unintentional words or acts, they just hurt someone you love. That is why, we are all sinners. Then, we just cannot forgive ourselves, or we cannot forgive the one who has hurt us, and we live in misery every day. Live in fear, live in hatred, live in anger, live in jealousy.

Why don’t we change our life and live in happiness? We can’t. Because we are emotionally wounded. Because we feel that we are not worthy to live in happiness. Because we cannot let go our anger or hatred. Because we cannot forgive ourselves. Because we cannot forgive the one we have loved but he/she has cheated/ill-treated/hurt us. Because we want to let them feel the wound we have experienced. Because we want to revenge so that they will feel the same. Because we want to tell them how much we have loved them but what we received is not love.

The unforgiving is the reason that we live in misery.

If we want to be happy, we must be healed from emotional wounds. If we want to be healed from emotional wounds, we must forgive. We must forgive ourselves and the one who has hurt us. Only if we can forgive, then only we can love. But how do we love the one who has hurt us? Only if we are filled by the love of God, then only we can love others.

This is what I personally suggest: reading bible, prayers, meditation, confession (Sacrament of Penance), and Holy Communion (Sacrament of the Eucharist). These are important for the healing and forgiveness. Please look for the priests or healing ministers if necessary.

Personal experience

I meditated, and I found that I was filled with hatred and anger. What can I do? I prayed for the healing and forgiveness: the healing of my emotional wound and the strength of forgiveness. But it it too difficult for me to forgive, because the wound is too deep.

I found that, in my anger, I keep thinking about “myself” and feeling how “I” was hurt. So, at the end, this is how I prayed to the Lord,

Lord Jesus, please let “me” “die”, so that “I” feel no sadness, hatred, and anger. And Lord, please live in place of me, so that this new me can forgive and love others.

If I cannot forgive, it would be better for the Lord to create a new “me”. What I need to do is to give up my “self”.

 

Questions

Q: Is the healing power psychological or spiritual?

If you are an atheist, you don’t believe in God, then you will think that, a person is healed because the psychological effect, similar to the hypnosis. The meditation is just a tool of self-hypnosis.

But I answer, Christians and atheists have a fundamental difference: God and god-less. Christians believe in an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and omnibenevolent God, Who is able to heal a man psychologically and spiritually. That is why, when meditation, Christians are able to focus on God who is perfect.

But an atheist can only believe in self or psychologists. Therefore, if they are meditating, they can only focus on something imperfect.

Q: Is the healing power science or miracle?

I answer, the Almighty God creates this physical world. Therefore, He is able to heal the men through the way that can be scientifically explained. He is Almighty. Therefore, He is also able to heal with miraculous power, that cannot be explained by science.

“三”


今天写一篇无聊的。“小三”就是这些年来普通的词汇。普通到我还听说,做小三或包养小三其实很普通。令我叹为观止。

以前,我听过的就是情妇、二奶、或是小老婆。但这些词渐渐地被小三所取代。不明所以。

目前我看过两种小三。一种是虚荣派,另一种是爱情派。虚荣派很简单。条件就是钱。如果有车,有房子更好。最重要的就是满足虚荣心。有些要求比较多,不只要钱,能够给个地位,让她炫富炫耀,那才能满足她的虚荣。当然,名牌手机是不可缺少的。这种小三其实不会规定一个对象。只要能够满足她们的虚荣,谁都可以。

哪另一种爱情派的,就比较有趣。她们的爱情观非常扭曲。就是觉得,一个男人为了她而放弃自己本来的婚姻,这种爱情才是伟大的。如果全世界的人都在谩骂,也没有人祝福他们俩的爱情,她反而觉得他们的爱情经得起考验,情比金坚。这种类型的,她会愿意为对方做任何牺牲,可以一直等待对方的回应,等待对方履行所许下过的承诺。当然,人不可能傻傻地等待。毕竟青春会逐渐消失。如果一直等都等不到,后果我就不清楚了。毕竟女人心海底针。

真正的爱情应该是,在法律上是合法的婚姻,亲朋戚友所公认的,并有爱情的果实,然后直到死亡将他们俩分开。能够实现以上的条件,绝对比那爱情派所谓的情比金坚,至死不渝还要艰难。

苦海无涯,回头是岸。